It's All Work

Dull Boy, Dull Boy, Dull Boy, Dull Boy

I work a lot.

I seem to judge my worth by how many hours of work I can stuff into a day.

I have ADHD.

It is difficult to make my self worth quota every day.

The last time I went on a vacation was in 2012 when we took the kids to Disneyland. I’ve had a few days off, and a few stretches of unemployment between here and there, sure, but those are days when I fill my hours with the work of job hunting, network building, template creation, blah blah blah.

Got Covid - worked.

I am driven to work, and often overbook myself in an effort to find some kind of magic combination that will pay the bills and make me happy. Doesn’t work out, but I keep doing it.

Hell, the last time I took time off it got fucked up, too.

I started planning in November of 2021 to take 2 days off in January. Kylah was starting college in St. George, and I hadn’t seen Dad in almost two years, thanks to Covid and work. I made it half way to St George before I found out I had to cut the trip short and get back to work.

I’ll never retire. I will literally work until I die.

Too many years working shitty jobs and/or political jobs. There’s no retirement fund at all. I have about 500.00 in a 401k that had about 500.00 in it in 2012 and still has about 500.00 in it now.

I’ve aged out of my field.

While I spent nearly twenty years working political jobs, and the goofy shit you do for money in between political gigs, I got old. I racked up gobs of practical experience, and I am, frankly, pretty damn good at what I do (mostly advertising and design). Now I’m experience heavy, and old, and can’t seem to catch a break with HR departments across the country.

Long time listeners will remember Tom and I talking about this on Tom & J.M. Roast Everything and, well, it’s just gotten worse. So, I current have 2.5 jobs. One full time that can’t make ends meet, one that’s quarterly full time that makes the ends meet 4 times a year, and I’m still half assed freelancing as Defenestrate Media.

Speaking of vacations, Tiffany and I were planning to try to leave town in April for a few days to decompress after what’s been an overwhelming few months for both of us, but it doesn’t seem to be working out because we’re both too busy.

Surgery … I have a blown rotator cuff that needs to be fixed, and I need a knee replaced and I can’t do either because I’m too busy working. LOL. It’s fucking ridiculous.

I also know I’m incredibly lucky compared to other folks. I have a place to live, I have a partner and children who love me, friends that care, and I’m not going hungry most days … things are pretty good, to be honest, in comparison. I’m just tired, in a bit of pain, scrambling month after month to feed the capitalist regime in power - just like so many other folks… it just feels like everything is so carefully balanced that a butterfly wing flap could topple it all to the ground.

I work a lot.

I seem to judge my worth by how many hours of work I can stuff into a day and even when I’m full to overflowing, I’m still feeling pretty fucking worthless.

You know what’s funny? The idea for this one presented itself as an upbeat and peppy not-a-blog-post. Sorry about that.